Okay, so I'm now in the big race against time and really myself. I'm starting this blog to just document my life and let some steam off, anonymously on the internet. A big part of myself is my religion yet right now I don't seem to have the strength/courage/will to wear a scarf. I just got back from California, visiting my deadbeat, crack-addicted father and I didn't wear my scarf to the airport, there or back to Nashville. People just seem to be so scared and that, in turn scares me that someone could be scared of a young woman with innocent intentions. If anyone actually reads this crap this probably see this as an attempt to make people feel sorry for me and other Muslims but that's honestly how I feel. However, right now I'm going through a growing phase. I just graduated from high school and I'm just figuring out who I am and who I want to be. I thought I had it all figure but this wouldn't be the first time a teenager has admitted to faulty reasoning (or maybe it will be). I don't know. I'm just confused and hurt and my health has taken a turn for the worst. I'm snapping on my family all the time, it's like I have PMS/24/7 which seems like this new disease with no cure. I've also gained 80 pounds in approx. 2 years and I don't know how. And no one has reached out a hand to help. Maybe it's because I'm so tall (5'11) and I carry the extra weight OK. But I'm tired off feeling like this Amazon freak with no support in my life. I have all this extra baggage on me and I find it sad that I have to turn to the internet for support. I probably sound like Wendy Whiner, right now. LMAO.
This feels so amazing right now because there's so much drama in my life and it just feels nice to sit down and write. That's what I originally wanted to do you know? Write. And although my mom said she was supportive of anything I can see the tight look in her eyes when I first said I wanted to be a writer. And I kinda know what she means because we've had to struggle all my life and I just don't want make the same mistakes that she made. I'm tired and having to fight and beg for everything that I have. And if making a sacrifice, giving up my dream, will make this disgusting, tired feeling go away then I make a deal with the devil. I just want what everyone wants I guess. The Looks, The Hair, The Body, The Money. Common things to want in America, I guess. Whelp, that's it for me. I'm really tired coz I've pulled a vampire move and staying up all night. Now I must crawl into bed, bundle the covers around, and fall into a coma where I'm rich and beautiful and I have no problems in life. Lol, if only. But JahPeace sending peace to whoever may chance across this blog. Or, as Chris Breezy says 'Dueces'!
